Hi vah-lag! I’m in this coffee shop, and I’m on my tab. I have this itch – to write. I guess I’ve missed you, more than I thought I would.
I’m on a Christmas break, and along with this is the freedom from mental and physical stress. It’s only temporary, I know, but this feeling of normalcy is liberating. Sweet. Priceless. It feels new yet familiar to me. It’s refreshing to wake up in the morning without the annoying sound of my alarm clock, without feeling this sense of urgency to perform beyond expectations, and with the absence of that lingering feeling of anxiety, although the sun has just risen (during hell weeks). A quiet breakfast takes an entirely new meaning. Anything that does not involve books has become a luxury, vah-lag.
I complain. I am tired during most days of the week. I miss the independence. I miss opening Facebook without the academic notifications flooding in until 12 mn. I get the pressure from classmates to having a baby ASAP every Pedia session, and follow that up with questions regarding the potential gene pool. The funny thing is, despite these, there is no place I’d rather be at this moment. I belong here.
A lot have changed since I started medical school. I’ve changed. You’ve probably felt it, too. For almost 2 years, you were a blank page, waiting to do your purpose. You’re almost an abandoned old museum of my past crazy works, an unforgotten display of my pre-medical school life (do not include my recent post for Krista – it was made fo her, vah-lag). I kind of feel sad about it. As I’ve written in the past, each writing piece is a tangible extension of oneself. You were and still are a part of me. As I’ve forgotten all about you, have I also forgotten Harriet from the past?
As I browse through your pages, I realized how blessed I am to have this one big party before medical school. It may not be a grand life, yet I loved every single minute of it. I treasure the good, remember the bad, and learn from the ugly. Looking back has ignited an even stronger flame to make the most of what I have now, which I gained from my past, in order to shape the future that I’ve always wanted. Remembering the road I took to be in medical school, including the sacrifices that had to be made and the opportunities lost to chase my dream, made me more appreciative of and excited for my chosen profession. I know it’s not easy, but I’m willing to take my chances.
As I write this, I realized that I am still Harriet. I’m just older, cautious and smarter with my choices (I’d like to think so!), more stressed out and concerned with the future, and more inclined to work around a loaded schedule on a daily basis (I’m flexible, but medicine can be a demanding fiance). A progressive Harriet sounds better.
I am not one of the best writers, vah-lag, but let’s give HarrietEspiya another try. Get to know me and my world, again. What do you think?
Harriet, M.D. in 2017
harrietespiya 